The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
