Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
