I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
