His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She is in my trunk
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do vagina's smell?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
