I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
