My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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