dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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