how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
