I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize