he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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