I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just found puke in my bra..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize