I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
