I cannot find my penis.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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