She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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