boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
