he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
