I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
