Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
