I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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