I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
