The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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