WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
