Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
