So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
