She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
