As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
