he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
