I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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