have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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