My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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