The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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