to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
