just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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