remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
