just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
