i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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