I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
