why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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