Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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