There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
