So drunk its hurt
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
