On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
