His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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