I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
