he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
