saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize