just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I AM VODKA MAN
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
