I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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