feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
