shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
