There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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