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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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