I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
