My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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