I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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