in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
