So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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