So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
