nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
