i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize