I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
