It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
