So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
