I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Farmville is her only friend.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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