So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
