youre lurking in front of me
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
