a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
