i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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