Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
