The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
