u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I AM VODKA MAN
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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