With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
