I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
