a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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