90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
