I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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