I look better un-naked...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
