I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
