Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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