I need to stop coming to work sober
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
