that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
