i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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