hotel room ftw
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
