K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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