Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
