if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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