she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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