It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He did a backflip because drugs
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize