if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
