C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
