You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
