if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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