She is in my trunk
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
