the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
