My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
